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Many people believe that I have met, believe in energy and/or auras. Many have said I have great energy and a great aura, but some days I feel like a dark cloud is always in the corner of my mind and heart. Do they see the mask that I portray as happy and easy-going or can they really see my sorrow.

I think back to a dream I had, of a beautiful fairy with long blue hair in the forest. She sits on a moss covered stump with flowers, surrounded by creatures of the forest and when I say creatures I mean dwarfs, gnomes, fairies, sprites and wisps. They are all laughing and enjoy her energy, she gives out golden apples to every living creature, espiscially those who are injured or sick. These golden apples give healing and happiness. But it's not the apple themselves that are healing but what she puts into this fruit, her energy.
Legend of her golden apples traveled to the human villages and throughout the land.
A prince who had fallen ill to a wicked curse and if he does not find a cure he will die by his 20th Birthday. So  the king and queen heard of this legend and ventured out searching throughout the forest but it was so well hidden, not even the best trackers could find it.
The prince decided to seek out the golden apples himself, though weak and ill-ridden, he took to the forest. Searching day and night for many moons.

One full moon at dusk he came upon a beautiful sound, a longing and forlorn sound. He came to a clearing through trees that glisten silver leaves and fireflies light the area.
He sees a beautiful woman with long blue hair singing. She looks up at the moon and ask the gods and goddess to help her heal her loneliness.

He creeps quitely through the thickets but accidently a twig snapped under the weight of his boot.
She stops singing and turns around to see the man staring at her. She did not speak nor move.



Depression: Psychiatry. a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal;sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason.

Many days I feel a heavy weight that can and will never be lifted. This blackened weight cannot be measured in ways of pounds or ounces. it pushes a sigh from my being. It demands my energy, to feed it.
I remember many days where I feel relief, my heart is lightened, fluttering and optimism fills me with hope.
Why can't it leave me alone.
The pills I took and forced down my throat relieve it but left me feeling like hollow empty shell of myself. I feel nauseated, lack of appetite and just wanting to escape this conscious world.
Sleep is always my friend in the end. The dreams I have are unbelievably out of this world, into another dimension!
I'e met a blue haired fairy, I met a creature who looked a pretty as a siren and ate diamonds as daily nutrition, I met Frankenstein and his wife and help released their trapped souls from a jar of ooze, I played baseball with Pokemon creatures, I've more variety of aliens than I could imagine when I awake!
I taste things, I smell everything and feel much more when I am not conscious in this world.
It's an adventure and challenge to find the simple things of beauty in this reality, to bring me back to earth. This body, this soul and this mind, are here on earth ... the weight from this world is a heavy one.

Just a whine post.... don't read

So it starts I am sick. Not nearly at the start of the fall year but I reflect back on what my habits were for the past two weeks and what lead up to my runny nose and high fever. At first I thought it was my allergies starting early. YAY!

My eating habits have been not good. I still ate some cheese here and there, maybe I've been too much taco meat, or red meat for that matter. I haven't been exercising as much as I did only twice a week for the past two weeks because I've been lazy or tired. My stress has been a little higher than normal. I've been stressing about money again and letting it run my life. I need to sell alot of my Lolita clothes and start my new part time job. Maybe it was Jury Duty on Thursday that I inhaled something lurking in the germ infested couches that I sat on. I also found out last Friday I had eczema on the back of my right hand from god knows what. My dad says I might be having an allergic reaction to something I've been applying on my hand or rubbing against.

It started Thursday night when I ate too fast and inhaled my clementine. The juice burned my throat like I was drinking battery acid. The burn made my eyes water for a bit and then all the pain went away at once. There was still a subtle tinge of burn here and there.

Friday my nose was running like crazy and I thought my allergies were starting early for the fall season, or almost fall season. Luckily it wasn't a busy day but more laid back.
Saturday, my nose was the same and was washing my hands more compulsively than normal.
Sunday I worked at a massage party for a few hours and I was feeling warm, thought it was the exercise of working on three people in a 4hr sessios. Once I was done at the party I felt like a truck hit me, my temperature was high, I was exhausted and went to bed at 9pm, I woke at 5am due to feeling my usual anxiety about work/getting to work on time and I had to message my boss about my condition needing to cancel my workload today.

SIGH I wish I knew why I got sick. Was it my stress, diet or not starting my allergy regimen yet.



Been hibernating and sleeping so long.
Acutally just working, studying and being lazy some days. >.<
I feel like I have a good job now and a decent income. I can afford some brand now and will slowly create an awesome wardrobe. Mwhaha!

ACEN! It has come and gone, so fast. I only went Friday due to work and Sunday I feel like everyone was already tired so I went to Mitsuwa but I got there late, at around 6:30pm. A few food stands were already closed and Gabutto burger ran out of meat. I just got strawberry Bubble Tea and some pastries. So healthy!

I am eating healthy and exercising, I have a few days where I fall off the wagon and just play some video games for a few hours and snack.

I am excited to have some free time now, I am working on some accessories for my swap meet and for myself. I am seeing friends I haven't hung out with. Along with being more active in the Lolita Community and hosting some future events.
I have some wonderful ideas..... kite flying & picnic, Chicago Botanical Garden, Strawberry Festival, etc, etc.

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Despite a few incidents it was fun.

There's always so much stress that goes into these things and money as well. But I am glad that everyone came and enjoyed it, girls came even from Milwaukee to enjoy my meet-up and makes me more grateful. I would like to thank everyone who brought food that made things 1000x's better and give out a few personal thanks.
I did a quick video of the basement Swap Meet and girls shopping. :)


So my friend and I are going to have a booth at ACEN this year yay!
Even though I want my main theme of my store to be Victorian and Distressed Victorian. I just can't help but be inspired by her fairy kei stuff and fuzzies!!
I really should be a sweet lolita but goth is deep in my veins. ;D
I was really inspired by making a ton of fuzzies for her and couldn't stop!






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Ahh, Halloween came and went too fast.
Nocturna was awesome! I went as Little Red Riding Hood wearing Lolita and a bloody face with red contacts to give a brothers grimm theme. Picture will come soon because it was an awesome costume. :D
I got to compete in the costume contest, it was fun! The couple from married with children won, they were hilarious.

The next day......
I went to Birthday Massacre concert last minute and I drove another friend of mine (he doesn't want me saying his name due to wanting to be off the grid & doesn't want people knowing his life) and we got there the last hour of the concert. So we missed Aesthetic Perfection and William Control... :(
I enjoyed myself at least I saw alot of old friends and new friends. It was awesome. I got to talk to Vanessa for hours about Lolita-Our old job together- etc. I miss hanging with her.
I was super to excited to meet another NEW Lolita girl who has never gone to a meet-up, she says she more of a cosplayer but she loves Lolita style an wants to see the Chicago Lolita scene.
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Halloween Costume Ideas

Some Lolita Holiday Costume Ideas:

Witch. Even though it's been done to death! You can put a twist on your outfit, a small hat, or a large hat. Theme it with colors or make a theme.. example The Witch of Candy, The Witch of Cats, etc. --- she has some cute hats for sale.

Doll. Another one that's been done to death. Heck, Lolita is based on dolls. But there are different variation of "dolls". You can go creepy with an evil doll with a cracked face. Or based on the dolfie look you can draw joints on your joints. A skeleton doll. A crying doll.

..........Which brings me to the next "idea". I put it in quotes because it's not an idea it's more like one of the reasons why Lolita is the way it is.

Alice....... enough said.

Fairy. You can make a pair of small celofan fair wings, just check out these youtube videos. They're cheap and easy!

Princess. In my opinion, there's already an official Lolita category called Hime but jazz it up more! A bigger crown? Or you can base it on a Disney princess. Either way someone will still call it a costume. Am I right?

A Lolita Murderer. Based on the Guro idea, I just like the idea of a cute little girl killing for some treats or for fun.

HORNS. Since horns are very in and I see them in alot of people's coords, why not a demon Lolita. It can be the creepy cute based on Pastel Goth, using demon horns. An elegant demon. A dark gothic demon.
Or elegant "deer" or "faun/fawn" antlers, just slap a pair of antlers on and there you go.

More ideas will be coming soon, these are just the basic kind of popular ideas that I can think of.

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YES! Productive day!
I am so close to finishing and getting licensed for Massage Therapy. National Board Exam is in January so studying is taking up most of my time and sitting around with Sean ;D

Halloween is around the corner and I can't wait till I get my contacts from, despite they were sold-out of the Intense White for my Winter Demon outfit for a future fun photography project.... grrr. I still got Hyper Black that will make my eyes super cute and creepy as well as red demon looking ones. Yay!
For Halloween I was suppose to go to Emilie Autumn but she got sick and post-poned till the day after Valentine's Day. Oh well, it's still on a Holiday.

ANYWAY..... Holiday Swap Meet-up date is official and planning on food, drinks, decorations, and making presents is here!
A detailed list of fun cheep cheep kiss present ideas. Lolita or not.
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